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Glenn Mattson
Welcome to Season Two, Episode 12. How to improve your listening skills. When we take a look at our last session, we were talking about active listening, which is honestly one of the most powerful techniques that we can utilize to improve trust, to improve the ability to have someone understand that we heard them and we understand that it is one of the most underutilized skills and I think everyone from a gifted employee to a major entrepreneur to someone who's first starting off their professional career out in the workforce. Active listening is a tool that you better master and get significantly effective at it and make it second nature, something you should be doing in your personal life. So your practice it so you own it in your professional life.
Glenn Mattson
Now, to be a good active listener, you actually have to have the premise of being a good listener. We talked about some of the things last time about people wanting to be heard and people want to be understood. We talked about the science of it where you have to understand, you have to listen, you acknowledge, then you give feedback, then you search for emotion. The feedback piece is where you're going to paraphrase, you're going to pair it. Remember last time it's things like so what you're saying is, what I heard you say is, I got the feeling what you meant was, or just giving feelings back. Oh my gosh, sounds like it was the worst day in the world; sounds like you hit a homerun. Yet they had never used those words, it was the feeling you got from what they said. So that's active listening.
Glenn Mattson
Now, it's amazing to me where I will be listening in to a sales call, I'll be listening in to a situation where a client of mine will be giving a debrief. Now granted, sometimes when they're giving a debrief, some of their peers are not paying attention, but even when they are paying attention, even when I asked them to take really copious notes, when someone's doing a debrief, it's so amazing to me how often that half the people in the room don't hear what's being said. They miss things. Isn't it amazing that when we are a second chair in sales, that we have someone else in there being the lead salesperson and we're being the observer? How come when we leave, we heard so much more than the person who's actually leading the meeting? How can we retain more than the person who was actually supposed to be our mentor, right? Or a leader in that meeting. It's called being a second person or third person to your own selling event. How do you become unemotional in the process of listening so you can truly listen to everything that's being said? There's lots of ways of doing that. I want to walk you through the handful of techniques that we can utilize that I've found over the years to be really successful at helping with improving your listening skills. So let's go through them.
Glenn Mattson
The first one is, limit your own pocket. My gosh, someone gave you two ears and one mouth. Let's try those ratios for a little while. You know, many times I've been on a sales call or a coaching call or a management call, where I'm listening in to my client, and they will speak 90% of the time, 90%. How do you think you can hear anyone if you're talking all the time? So you cannot hear somebody if you're doing all the talking. One of the things you have to remember is everyone will tell you what you ever needed to know. They will tell you everything you need to know, they just honestly shut up enough and listen. In sales we call it the 70/30 rule. 70/30 rule means that in a sales call, you should be listening 70% of the time. Listening 70% of time. The value you bring to somebody, and the size of your commission checks right the value you bring to someone has more to do with the amount of information you get than you give. So when you look at qualification, qualifications, the most important part of sales in qualification is 80% listening if you ask the right questions. Old school selling is let me tell you, let me talk, let me do 90% of the talking. That's ridiculous. So limit your own talking is one of the most important ways to improve your listening skills.
Glenn Mattson
Number two, be interested and show it. You really have to have a genuine concern and I would say the word lively curiosity about what you're talking about. Okay. Because if you're not interested, it's very easily noticeable in your nonverbals and in your tone, it's called leaking. Very few people have the ability to control their nonverbals and control their body language when they're not engaged. They're bored and it shows it. And try not to fake it because you ain't gonna make it. So be super interested and show it. Have a genuine concern. Right? Like, think about when you were really interested in the conversation. Think about how you acted, where your body language was, were you leaning in the back of your chair? Were you daydreaming? Are you engaged? Were you leaning forward? Were you asking questions, right? So think about it when some of you may have children, and you're talking to your kids and you know that they're engaged or they know that they're just interested, right, you can see it right in their eyeballs. So be interested and show it, that's number two to improve your listening skills. It's not easy, none of these, I'm gonna tell you are easy. They're easy on paper, it takes some practice.
Glenn Mattson
The third one I want to share with you is tune into the other person. Now this is hard, right, tune in to the other person. Are you giving them your full attention or is your mind wandering? Can you shut off outside distractions? So you know, way back, I mean, this is this is way, way back, when you had the ability, we used to have these things called tuners. And it was on the radio, and it didn't have digital, and you could actually turn a dial on this little thing would go back and forth, you'd be at 99.1 and 99.2. and as you would move it, if you had a really cool receiver back when I was a kid a tuner, the light would turn green, which means that you were right on the radio station. If the dot to the right, which was red, turned on that means you're little too far to your left; a little too far to the right, you get it right on the radio station, turns green. So this is you had to tune into the other person who's that was just off by just a smidge, you could hit a static. But when I tuned in, it was crystal clear. So how often are you tuning into the person? Are you giving them a full attention? Is your mind wandering? Here's the basic bottom line about tuning into other people--shut off distractions. Shut them off. Why would you try to pay attention to someone if you have attention issues and your phone sitting next to you vibrating? Or you can hear your outbox go beep, beep, beep every time you get an email? You have one of those crazy watches that every time someone sends you an update your wrist vibrates. So we have to learn how to shut off our distractions.
Glenn Mattson
What happens if I was telling you about an important thing that happened in my day and as you're telling it to me, I looked down on my phone twice? Now I may be looking at my phone just because it vibrated, and I have no intention of doing anything besides looking at it. But when I look down, what does it show you about my interest in the conversation?
Glenn Mattson
So tune in, practice on turning off distractions. Practice, really seriously, practice on shutting your mind off from wandering. Gosh, I can't even tell you how many conversations I had in my own head about shut up and listen to this person. Don't worry about what it smells like just listen, right? Don't worry about we have to go next, just listen. You gotta just shut your brain off live in the present moment. Turn it all off. Turn off your distractions and listen. I'm not very good at turning off distractions so I have to control my environment. I have no notifications that come on. Nothing beeps in my office, when I get an email. I turn it all off.
Glenn Mattson
So your fourth one is this. So number four is think like the other person. So number three was tune into the person. Now I want you to think like them. Alright, step into their shoes. See the situation from their point of view. Now granted, let's suppose you're talking to someone that, hey, they're making a bunch of dials, they're not getting the results. They're starting to have fatigue, start to question what I should be doing? They're starting do a little procrastination and you come in and you start wailing on them that they need to make a lot of dials. Why don't you for a second, just get their perspective? Why don't you for a second, see the fact that they're working their tail off and they're not getting anywhere and they're now creating doubt in their head? You've been there, I've been there. So acknowledge it. Doesn't mean that you're going to agree with it but verbalizing their feelings helps.
Glenn Mattson
Actually, turn those feelings into positive. If you don't accept them, then what you're really doing is not saying that they're real, so we don't have to fix it. So understand people better when you get their perspective. They have a problem. They have needs, they have wants that are important to them. You must understand and have a way to understand their point of view so you can understand their situation. It's called empathy. So, think like the other person, what would life look like if you were in their shoes?
Glenn Mattson
So the fifth thing that you can do to improve your listening skills, so these are really important, right, you got to turn off your own talking, you got to shut up so you can listen, be interested and show it, tune into the other person, right? Shut off all the distractions. Make sure you can think like them. I always say to people step in their shoes. Look at what they're saying from their point of view, not your point of view, their point of view. Here comes the fifth one. This is awesome. Ask questions. Ask questions is one of the best way to improve your listening skills. Believe it or not.
Glenn Mattson
We call it the rule of three. The rule of three is taking a look at how to ask questions to get to the real intent of what someone's trying to tell you. Realize that questions can be abrasive. So the three most important words when it comes to asking questions, just like when we look at the three most important words when it comes to real estate, right is location, location, location. When it comes to the three most important words when it comes to questioning, is nurture, nurture, nurture. Questions by themselves can be abrasive. You have to camouflage the question with nurturing statements. We'll talk a lot more about that later. But asking questions is hey, it sounds like what you told me is and then you can ask a question. Interesting. So, question. So having the ability to dig deeper into what they're saying is powerful.
Glenn Mattson
Number six is an occasional yes, an occasional I see, an occasional grunt, believe it or not, still shows that you're there and you're paying attention. But don't overdo it with just meaningless, garbled, alright, or interjections. But saying, uh hmm, I see. Yes, I understand where you're coming from. Is powerful, but use them sparingly. So interjections just shows that you're keeping pace with what they're doing.
Glenn Mattson
Here comes one of the hardest ones. One of the hardest ones is not necessarily to think like the other person or tune in like the other person. But actually, turn off your own worries. Remember, I told you that active listening, they have a message that the receiver sends out, but they put it through their filter box. Then that message goes into your filter box, then goes up to your brain. Your filter box is your worries. Your filter box is all the stuff going on in your day, good, bad or indifferent. What's going on in your day. So for us to be powerful listeners, we have to shut off our filter box. So it's not easy. All of us are I-centered. All of us believe that the world revolves around ourselves. We all have personal feels, we all have fears and worries and things that we have that create static. We have to really have the ability to be very clean and clear. So when you go into a meeting, you literally sometimes I had to do it all the time, you have to literally tell yourself as you walk in, leave your trash by the door, leave your trash by the door, leave your trash by the door. Leave your trash at the phone, leave your trash at the receiver, right? So whenever you're about to do something you may have to say out loud, leave your trash. And what that means is don't bring your crap into this conversation. If you're tired then you're tired, don't bring it in here. If you had a bad day, you had a bad day. Don't bring it in here. If you have a preconceived idea about someone who is six, five or someone who's six, one, someone who wears glasses, someone has purple hair, pink hair, yellow hair, green hair, right? Someone's from New York, I don't care where you're from, everyone has preconceived ideas. Everyone has issues going on in their world. Everyone has concerns in their world, everyone has good and bad going on in their world. So one of the ways to improve your listening skills is turn it all off. It's a great way to train yourself to live in the present moment.
Glenn Mattson
Here's one that's really hard. React to the ideas, not the person. Never let or allow or show irritation at things that people may say or let their manner distract you. Okay, someone says something that you disagree with, there's no reason for you to need to have a battle right now, if it's not the time for it. Let someone vent. We know the law of motions, that's the body at rest will tend to stay at rest, when of the greatest reasons that you can use negative reversing. People cannot be inside your castle. We've been through this in many podcasts. What someone says or someone does can never embarrass you. Embarrassment only comes when you let it inside. And when we get embarrassed, we react to our embarrassment not to what was said. So you can't let people inside your castle. And what I mean by that is is that allow and deal with what they're saying from an unemotional standpoint.
Glenn Mattson
For instance, hey, you know what, you guys didn't do this. So this is what we got to do. Okay, they're saying that you dropped the ball and because you dropped the ball, you're gonna lose the account. Oh, instead of getting angry you have to deal with the reality of this individual, when you didn't do what you're supposed to do impacted them, and they got mud on their face. So we have to deal with the issues, not the person. You may be dealing with a person that doesn't like salespeople, you may be dealing with a person that doesn't like dealing with someone like you. Doesn't like talking about money, doesn't like getting time commitments in place. Well, you're going to deal with situations. You're going to deal with politics, you're gonna deal with social issues. Someone's in the middle of a meeting, and they're just blabbering about something. And it has nothing to do with what you're talking about. Make sure that you don't bring those feelings of the person into the rest of your conversations. And when someone does say something that you disagree with, don't disagree with the person disagree with the ideas that the person is having.
Glenn Mattson
Let me say that, again, you don't disagree with the person, you disagree to the ideas. You don't react to the person you react to their ideas. That's really hard, by the way.
Glenn Mattson
Number nine. Notice the nonverbal language. When I was going through psychology and getting all my fun degrees in that area, one of our professors, teachers, was just amazing. One of the things that he would make us do is go to a restaurant, go to the mall, go out to dinner, go someplace that's socially engaging. We would have to sit down and just watch two people have dinner. And we'd have to make an interpretation of what's going on during that dinner, they are nervous, they happy, they sad, glad, just by their body language. Then the next part of the process was now listening to shows where we didn't understand the language. All we could go on was the rate of speed, the tone, the volume, the pitch, etc. Then we started to have to figure out, could we actually interpret what's going on just based on how they sound? It's an amazing on how you can actually interpret all the information from body language, all the information from someone's tone, that's how they sound, if we choose to just eliminate some of the words.
Glenn Mattson
So try and focus in on some of your conversations and just focusing on the nonverbals. What does those nonverbals mean? Like for instance, if I ask a question, and someone rolls their eyes when I answer it, okay, that's a nonverbal clue. Like, oh my gosh, here we go again, that's how they're hearing it. Now, if I'm going to react to the idea, not the person. If someone rolls their eyes, and I don't like when people roll their eyes. Now, if I don't like the way someone rolls their eyes, because to me, it's like, oh, boy, here we go. And I'm asking them, hey did you get these three things done? It's a third time I asked. I see someone rolls their eyes; I take the interpretation of rolling their eyes is, why are you asking me? This is such a joke. Or why are you asking this? I don't need to deal with this. Or, oh, here we go, again. In my mind, I'm saying well, the reason I'm asking for the third time is because I didn't get the answer the first two times.
Glenn Mattson
So all of a sudden, I'm now reacting to the situation in the person not to what they said to me. I'm not picking up the nonverbals right, so and I'm doing the number 10, which is the 10th way to improve your listening skills is don't jump to conclusions. Do not make assumptions. Mentally do not complete people's sentences. I cannot explain the nightmare that does when you're listening. That means that you're listening and you're already ending someone's sentences. That means you're not listening. That means you're trying to speed up the conversation. So do not jump to conclusions. Try this for one week, do not end anyone's sentences. Try it for one week. Not to end anyone sentences in your head. Try for a week just to react to what someone says, not to who they are. Try for one week to turn off all your worries when you're listening to someone. Try them for a day, team. How about try for one day that when you're listening to someone use your interjections? How about for another day that you just try to think like the other person? How about try to tune into what the other person's world looks like? You could try each of these things once a day for an entire day, and see how it improves your communication.
Glenn Mattson
Number 11 is, take notes. One of the greatest forms of a compliment is taking notes. So if you're having a conversation with someone, anytime that if some of you are newer in the workforce, anytime that you go into a meeting, you better be taking a pad and you better be taking notes. It shows everyone that what you are doing and what is being said is important to you. Plus, it gives you great ability to give feedback by looking down and just reading what you wrote down versus memory.
Glenn Mattson
The last one I want to share with you on how to improve your listening skills is about active listening. It's giving feedback. Things like alright, so want to make sure we're on the same page, what I heard you say was. I get the feeling that what you meant was. So what you're saying is. Paraphrasing is not giving back what they say, paraphrasing is giving back what they felt or what you interpreted that they felt when they said it. What do they mean by their tone?
Glenn Mattson
So make sure that you minimize your distractions, avoid multitasking, challenge your perceptions. Shut off your brain, practice mindfulness, and it will increase your listening habits. And if you can do that it is really easy or much easier to do active listening. So hopefully these are two tips. It's going to help you grow in your area of improving your listening skills along with active listening. One of the things that we're going to talk about moving forward is your ability to ask questions is one of the most powerful things that you can have in the world of sales. And your ability to ask amazing questions means you have to be amazing at active listening in listening.
Glenn Mattson
You know, most people don't hear what was said, most people only hear what they want to hear. Most people hear what they were hoping to hear. Having the ability to practice, having the ability to listen to others, having the ability to use active listening. So it sounds like; what I heard you say; that's confirmation that you're accurate on what you heard. One great way to improve your listening skills.
Glenn Mattson
So with that being said, people think that when it comes to communication, when it comes to selling, that your ability to talk is everything. Your ability to talk is a very small piece of it, 30%. Your ability to listen is everything. Remember the value you have to your clients, the impact that you have to your prospects, the size of your commission check has more to do with the amount of information you get than you give. Remember, two ears to one mouth, try the ratio. Hopefully that's going to help you improve your listening skills. Thanks for joining us on the Building Blocks of Success.
Glenn Mattson
This is the Building Blocks of Success with Glenn Mattson.