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Glenn Mattson
Welcome to another episode of building blocks of success season three, Episode 11. The podcast that we're going to discuss today is really about uncovering the strategies and insights that drive success in sales, networking and entrepreneurship. I'm your host, Glenn Mattson and today we're going to be diving into the topic that may be small but hold an immense amount of power in the business world. It's called small talk.
Glenn Mattson
I know some of you may be thinking small talk, really Mattson? Isn't it just casual chit chat, meaningless conversations. Before meeting's start. About the weather and weekends, right. Monday, Tuesday, you talk about what you did on the weekend, on Thursday and Friday you talk about what you're going to do on the weekend. You just can't use the weekend talk on Wednesday, because it's the middle of the week, right? So small talk is so much more than that. So significant, much more than it appears on the surface. Honestly, it's the gateway to build connections, foster relationships, and ultimately achieve success.
Glenn Mattson
Let me share a staggering fact with you. According to a study conducted by Harvard Business Review, 95% of business professionals believe that face to face interactions are essential for long term business relationships.
Glenn Mattson
How are those relationships going to begin? How do those relationships develop?
Glenn Mattson
You guessed it small talk.
Glenn Mattson
I mentioned before the relationship grid, there's four of them. Right? Awareness, familiar, friendly, part of your story. That's part of your ability to create those relationships. But when I look at like a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of emerging advisors, their small talk does not come naturally to them.
Glenn Mattson
I want to give you some tips, though, on how to help you become a master at the small talk. And really, really unlock its potential. Me personally, high introvert, don't like chatting with people, don't like small talk, I have to force myself to do it. I'm good at it, but it's still a force, now it's fun. It's kind of a game, in essence, right? Used to look at things a little differently versus being super nervous, which I was in the beginning.
Glenn Mattson
So let's get to some tips, quick.
Glenn Mattson
The first tip is in small talk, you got to be genuinely curious. You gotta be really, really curious. Small talk is an opportunity to learn about the person in front of you to understand them, to understand their interest, find some common ground. By showing genuine curiosity, you're going to make the conversation more engaging and a lot more memorable and it's going to feel really good on their part. Reason being is people love to talk about themselves. So the more you can have that conversation, be curious about them, where they're coming from. And again, this is depending upon where you are, it could be at work, could be at a networking meeting, it could be at an annual meeting, but staying curious, really, really genuinely really curious. You got to think like the other person, got to put yourself in their perspective, look at the world through their eyes and what would be some things that would make sense? What are some things that you could ask questions to get that curiosity going?
Glenn Mattson
We've talked about in the past, right? Some of your connect questions could be you start with the industry, then you start with the marketplace then you start with a company. Maybe some of you are doing a little different, but I would have you take a look at really your small talk conversations. And I used to actually create two or three small little questions I could ask somebody if I knew I was going to be speaking with somebody. Like this week, I'm going out to a different part of the country, go out to a cocktail party for two hours to meet like 15, 20 people.
Glenn Mattson
Now I have outlined who I want to meet. I've investigated and understand a little bit about each of them on a personal level. Yes, I understand their credentials from a work standpoint, but I'm more interested in where they went to college, I'm more interested in the fact that this person likes to surf, and this other person does knitting. Right? Whatever it is, there's curiosity there. So understanding about them, and being really curious is going to give me the upper hand when we have small talk versus talking about so do you like the hotel we're in? Did you have a good flight? So be curious.
Glenn Mattson
I remember a client of mine, very first time, sitting down with him. And Michael is a phenomenal individual. He was a producer and then he owned his own shop and ran it. And then he went into the home office to be a territory manager, meaning that he helped 30 or 40 other people like himself previously, that owned his own practice. And then eventually, he became in charge of all the regionals, but it was interesting sitting down with Mike, which I didn't realize until we literally have done six or seven programs, all virtual, first time I'm sitting to we're face to face.
Glenn Mattson
Now, I have had other conversations with him to catch up, but this is a time that I can do it a little more depth. So I turned to him and said, Mike, so tell me about, from your standpoint, some of the best memories you have from your childhood. He goes when I won division, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, in baseball.
Glenn Mattson
Now, I knew we played a little bit of baseball, but I did not realize he was as good as I'm about to find out.
Glenn Mattson
So I turn to him and I say, get out of here. You play baseball? You didn't play in college, did you? Oh, you did, you didn't play semi-pro did you? Oh, you did. So now there's a conversation going on.
Glenn Mattson
Now, I'm not asking a lot of things about his colleges and that kind of stuff, who we played against, my conversations went over to other stuff. Like I said to him, hey, man when you were in a hitting slump, and I know you said you were doing pretty well and they were gonna put a statue in front of the college for you at the time. And because you had such a high batting average. But when you went in your slump, been in one? He goes, hell yeah, I've had been in slumps.
Glenn Mattson
I said, How do you get yourself out of those darn things, that's gotta be such pressure, when you're by yourself in the middle of the batter's box and part of your brain keeps screaming at you, you're gonna screw this up again. How the hell do you get out of that stuff?
Glenn Mattson
So Michael started talking, he got really excited in his voice and his face changed. He started talking about all the work he did in the batter's box and how he did it and why it built confidence. And it was just a very interesting conversation. And since then, Mike and I are at a very different level of a relationship. I get to know him much better. Now, he does not know much about me, because it wasn't a two-way conversation, really. It was more geared to understand him. So be super curious.
Glenn Mattson
I talked to Mike about tricks. I talked to him about superstitions. I talked to him about a whole bunch of stuff, but that slump thing was really cool. Superstitions was really cool and he shared some stuff that they did when they traveled. So it's really neat information.
Glenn Mattson
So here's tip number two. Listen actively.
Glenn Mattson
Man, small talk is not about you talking. Small talk is about you asking questions and it's about you asking the right questions. And it's about letting them know that as you're asking these questions, I hear what you're saying. I understand what you're saying. So you got to give these conversations your absolute full attention. And I find many people when they're trying to do small talk or thinking about other things, they're thinking about a whole bunch of other stuff and because of that they're not really paying attention. And you got to remember, everyone's going to tell you everything you're ever going to need to know about them if you just listen. So active listening is monstrous. It gives your full attention to somebody, demonstrates that you have respect, it demonstrates that you're listening and man it really creates deeper relationships.
Glenn Mattson
Now, when you're doing active listening, just don't listen to the words that's being spoken. Okay? You really got to pay attention to the underlying emotions and interest. This will give you the ability to dig deeper in the good stuff. So, remember, listening is not just the words they use, listening is the tone they use and listening is the body language that they display as they speak.
Glenn Mattson
But here's a statistic that should grab maybe some of your attention, research will tell you that active listening can increase the likeability and the trustworthiness of a conversation by 60%. 60%, likability and trustworthiness of a conversation by 60%. My goodness, that's huge. So sharpen up those skills, and watch your small talk, really transform into some meaningful conversations.
Glenn Mattson
Here's another tip. I just talked about body language, embrace the power of body language. Remember, small talk isn't about what you just say all the time and what they say. Your body language and their body language speaks volumes. If you're speaking to me, I don't even care if you're asking me great questions, but I can see you looking over my shoulders, I can see you looking out the window, I can see that you're looking at people walking by me. At some point, I'm gonna just change my words and say something in a different language to see if you're paying attention to me. So nonverbals are just as loud and give you just as much information if not more than the words you use.
Glenn Mattson
So maintain good eye contact, smile, genuinely. Use accepting words. Uh hmm, I see; those are acceptance, those are great.
Glenn Mattson
You also want to have an open and adopting open welcoming posture. Your hands aren't crossed. You're not sitting there like you're bored with your elbow, you know, your body on your elbow and your head over your shoulders. It looks like what am I doing here, right. So make sure that these verbal clues really give a signal of approachability, warmth and confidence. It really makes other people easier to engage with you also. So for instance, here's a tip watch TV without watching any sound, turn off the sound, just watch people's nonverbals. See if you can gain or see or connect to. What their feelings are just based on their nonverbals just based on their body movements, where are they? Happy, sad, what level are they at? Angry, dissatisfied, they're being you know, laughing. All that stuff is really really important.
Glenn Mattson
Another tip besides watching TV without the sound is people watching. This is one of the greatest skills that one of my psychology professors did years ago was that his belief was you can be the smartest person with regards to book smart. But if you don't know how to ask the right questions, you don't understand what to look for inside of a patient and where they are, you're going to be very limited on your ability to properly identify what their issues are.
Glenn Mattson
So this professor, probably one of the best individuals. I took several classes with because he moved away from just book learning to street learning. And really started focusing in on people watching.
Glenn Mattson
We literally would have write a paper and going someplace sitting down over two hour period, three different people, three different couples, observe what they were doing body language wise to see if you're correct. I remember way back when I'm sitting there. I see someone sit down. This is way before the phones, right? So someone's sitting down and they're kind of looking around sheepishly. And then someone sits down with them. And now they are literally five tables over six tables over and I'm with my wife and we're having dinner and I just keep looking over to my left a little bit. And I'm people watching. I'm looking at how their feet are underneath the table. I'm looking at their feet sitting square they underneath the chair, are they bouncing their legs? Are they fidgeting? Are they sitting side by side? Are they sitting straight up and stoic?
Glenn Mattson
Then I'm watching another couple and by the way, I do this all the time. I didn't but it's one of the things I'm sharing with you which I think hopefully you will do also.
Glenn Mattson
You will love to watch people. So I'm sitting there, one to my left, looks like they're on a date. The one that's ahead of me maybe about three tables. Man, I could see it coming in just the way the wife put down her purse. And the way that he sat down in the chair, and how I didn't hear what he ordered, but the tone of what he ordered, they were not in a good spot. You can just tell by their nonverbals. And I remember saying to my wife is it's interesting, we have a double sides of the same spectrum, the one to our left, is on a date and that people two behind you, I give them about 35 minutes, they're going to be a big fight. I was off by six minutes, by the way.
Glenn Mattson
People watching. It's pretty awesome. I remember once we went to the MGM for a client of ours, and I'm with my wife, we went down to where they have the cabanas. And I'm sitting there waiting for the the people to come out from the hotel so we can rent the cabana. And this individual comes over. Again, the cabana's open up at 8:30. Right. So there's really no one there. Me and my wife and there's one other individual walks down. He looks like a train wreck. Right? Tired. He looks like he just I don't know if he slept or not. He sat down, just the three of us. My wife starts talking. She knows what I'm about to do. We've been married a long time. So she just gets up and starts to walk away and I turn and say, so have you been to this place? You know what really, really well? Or are you a newcomer?
Glenn Mattson
And he turns around and goes no, no, I just came in. They flew me in last night. I said well, that must have been a nice flight. How'd you do?
Glenn Mattson
He turned around and goes well, first time period, I was down two-fifty within the first hour but I got it all back before I came here. So well. That's nice to hear. But sounds like you haven't gone to bed yet then? He goes no, it's gonna be really funny. We have front row tickets for Celine Dion tonight the hotel gave because he's a big gambler. And he goes, it's gonna be funny, I'm probably gonna be sleeping in the front row.
Glenn Mattson
As we started to talk, he and I really started having a great conversation. Then all of a sudden, the individual from the hotel comes out.
Glenn Mattson
Now this individual's saying to me, have you been here?? No, I haven't. Well, you know, last time I stayed over that fence over there. You know, that's where the celebrities go. We had Bono in there last week with me, and so and so on. So I'm like, who is this guy I'm talking to, right? He lost 250 grand an hour. Got it back. They fly the private jet to go get him. He's got front row tickets. He doesn't care if he's gonna go to the concert or not. He's gonna sleep in the front; it's really for his wife and his daughter.
Glenn Mattson
He's hanging out with some seriously successful people in this huge blocked off walls that you didn't even know were there unless he told you it. So as we're talking and we're walking around. We're laughing. We're having a great time together. Then all of a sudden, the individual from the hotel comes out.
Glenn Mattson
So in my head, I'm like, well, now I know who he is.
Glenn Mattson
He goes yep. And he says by the way, can you make sure that my friend here is taken care of? And he turns to me right in front of the person. And he goes, what was your name again?
Glenn Mattson
And I said, it's Glenn. He turned to the hotel person, he goes, it's Glenn. Make sure he gets taken care of. That's all he said. Let's make sure they're taken care of. Now in my head, that's a 50/50 shot, meaning that am I going to be taken care of which is treat me nice or am I going to be taken care of means am I going to get comped? Now there's a big difference when you're trying to figure out what type of gazebo you're in. Right what type of overhangs you want? So what the hell, I swung for the fence, I took the real, real, real big ones. The one I want and anyways, it was quite expensive, but we got it comped. So, you know, the next day I rented it, we got it two for one day.
Glenn Mattson
But the reason I got there is because of the ability to network and small talk with individuals. I broke the ice with this individual. We talked for 15 minutes. He walked me around the entire pool area later on when I was there, right, I sent him my cell phone; he sent me a text he goes hey, how do you like it? I said this place is fantastic. I said are you down at the pool yet? He goes nah, I'm still gambling. Enjoy.
Glenn Mattson
So very effective. Good tip
Glenn Mattson
Listen, take a look at that body language, look at the TV, look at people watching and have the ability to start breaking the ice. So which is the next tip. I want to discuss a simple yet very effective. You got to have icebreakers and icebreakers in networking situations where you can approach someone new, and say something to break the ice, one of the easiest things to do is compliment them on something specific, ie a jewelry, a tie, maybe their handbag, where they're from? Their dialect. But I turned around to Hess, if you heard the icebreaker. I said, so, is this your first time here or are you a regular? He turned around and started laughing he goes, no, I'm a regular and then he started telling me about how they flew him in.
Glenn Mattson
One of the things you may want to take a look at is how to make sure that you can have what I call generic icebreakers and specific icebreakers. You got to have some generic icebreakers that you can use pretty much everywhere or anywhere. Okay. And the one I just said was, is pretty generic. So is this the first time here or are you a repeater? Are you someone who comes often? You can change that up seven different ways. But having the ability to comment on something that they have will break the ice.
Glenn Mattson
Now, there's other things you can do. Like I will break the ice. If I'm going to a networking meeting, I'll turn and say, so is this the first time here for you? Another break the ice is, is that so is the speaker that we're hearing today is someone you've heard him before?
Glenn Mattson
I even some ridiculous ones, which is, my gosh, it was interesting place to park, did you guys even find a spot?
Glenn Mattson
So state the obvious, but have some really good icebreakers that you're comfortable with, that can just walk up to anyone and give it a shot. That's why the three-foot rule is so powerful, anyone within three feet to start a conversation with them. And you got to do this on a social level, you have to do this in outside of work so when it's time for work, it's really easy or easier. Got to remember, most people in a room, especially if they don't know anyone, almost everyone's uncomfortable. So the one person that acts that it's normal for them to go over and say hello, is the one that everyone gravitates to. And studies will tell you that individual over time becomes more successful.
Glenn Mattson
Next is you got to make sure that you're seeking small talk, right? The superpower is practice, practice, practice. Small talk is a skill that's gotta be honed. It takes time; it definitely takes some effort. Challenge yourself to engage in small talk with pretty much anyone every day, right? You're getting gas, you go to a 711, you go to the grocery store, you go into any place, right you go into a laundry mat, you go into the post office, there's always people sitting in line. The coffee shop, they're always sitting in line, turn to the person in front of you, turn to the person and back end, just start a conversation. See where it goes. Now, after you leave, you may say, well, that wasn't a good icebreaker. That was a little weird, right? Start laughing at it, who cares? And you can have better icebreakers. Okay,
Glenn Mattson
So I purposely walking down the aisles of the grocery store, every time I'm getting gas, any store that I walk into, to buy something, in my head been a rule that I've tattooed in my head, it's become a habit that I will try to start a dialogue with at least one person, I have no idea who the hell they are.
Glenn Mattson
So try it every day. Small Talk, man. It's just so powerful.
Glenn Mattson
So one of the tips I want to give you is that when you do small talk, it makes sense to have the connection that after the meeting afterwards that you follow up, you can follow up with some drips. You can follow up like for instance, that person I was telling you about with baseball during one of the games, I was flipping through and I'm at a baseball person I was actually trying to find lacrosse. And as I was watching the baseball, I know it was again, his thing. And it's one individual I just happen to hear the announcer talk about the person that's in the batter's box, whether in a slump they haven't hit one in the last six or seven hits seven hits, I think it was and so I just texted him I just said hey, you watching the game? He said of course I am.
Glenn Mattson
So all I sent back is maybe you should give some of your tips on how to get out of that slump to so and so. He sent back laughing. Next thing you know, he's texting me all the time. So have reach outs.
Glenn Mattson
The other thing is if you're going someplace, look up in LinkedIn, look up an Instagram, look up at Facebook, get to know the person a little bit. So that when you do have a dialogue, you can do small talk, but spin it. Like for instance, I was meeting someone the other day loves tennis. He's a you know, play tennis in college, play tennis semi pro; just loves tennis. So as we went over I said, hello, how are you? And all I said was, you know, in today's world, isn't it amazing how our sports have transforming themselves? I mean, look at this thing that is just going crazy right now, though it originally was made for exercise for older individuals that play tennis. Isn't it crazy on how Pickleball is going crazy?
Glenn Mattson
And he's like oh my god, and the next thing you know we're chatting. So, do some research.
Glenn Mattson
Yep. Embrace the power of body language. Get your icebreakers down. Make sure you practice. Follow up with people. The other is do some research and prepare yourself on some questions that you can ask for icebreakers or to build that relationship.
Glenn Mattson
So my friends, let's embrace the power of small talk, you got to remember, man, it's not just about the weather and the weather plans and what's been happening. It's about building connections; it's about opening door. It's about creating opportunities for success. Small talk is the foundation upon which we really build strong relationships. It's invaluable for sales. It's invaluable for networking, it's invaluable for building relationships.
Glenn Mattson
I got one of my buddies, doesn't make a difference who you put him with, one person, five people, 50 people. I guarantee you that individual, you put them in the middle of a group of individuals within 15 minutes, he will have four or five friends in that entire room. He has the ability for small talk out of nothing. So it's very valuable, very empowering.
Glenn Mattson
This concludes the session for today on Building Blocks of Success. I hope you found that these insights and tips about how to navigate the world of small talk has been helpful. Stay tuned for an episode where we're going to be dealing and really delving into other crucial elements of business success. Until then, keep connecting, keep engaging, keep building those relationships, keep getting outside your comfort zone and having small talk with people you don't know.
Glenn Mattson
Take care, talk to you soon.
Glenn Mattson
This is the Building Blocks of Success with Glenn Mattson.
S3E10 with Glenn Mattson: Words and Follow Through
S3E5 with Glenn Mattson: The Importance of Networking