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Glenn Mattson
Do you ever have that scenario where you're sitting in the present moment at your desk, your mind constantly keeps thinking about yesterday, or you get immobilized because it's so much thinking about the future or worse is, is that you're getting super frustrated because of somebody or something that happened. Come join me on this quick little journey as we learn how to control our futile emotional states.
Glenn Mattson
Well, welcome back everybody. Building Blocks of Success is another empowering episode. To help us really live in the present moment. Let me tell you what's going to happen today. In season four, episode nine, a lot of this journey that we've had is been areas based on living in the present moment, having regretted some thought processes, but I want to share with you what happened this week. It happened over five different coaching sessions with five different types of executives. Let me walk you through what happened, and how it happened because not only that it happened to them, it happens to everybody and it's across the board, what I'm going to be sharing with you is called futile, emotional states.
Glenn Mattson
Now futile, emotional states, as I start to talk about these, you may say to yourself, Okay, that sounds familiar. Yep, I've heard that before, or I've walked that walk, but I want to share with you not only what they are, but how they impact you. Futile emotional state is the stuff that honestly absolutely is a vampire to you. It drains you of energy, it drains you of courage, it drains you of confidence. It is awful. Many of us actually fuel our futile emotional states by thinking that they are a good thing when they think that they're a strength when the reality is is that just awful, right? So you have to realize any strength over-exposed becomes a weakness, right? So if you're someone who really prepares for a meeting, and by being prepared, you've shown yourself and different types of meetings that you did really well in the meeting, because you were prepared.
Glenn Mattson
Now, what that starts to teach you is is that by being prepared, you'll win. But it also shows you that at three o'clock in the morning, when you roll over in your bed, that little thing in the back of your head says Len are you prepared? Did you do as much as you should have? Do you know this about that? Do you understand this about that? It starts asking 500 questions, regardless of whether I know that they're not in my head. Now I'm up.
Glenn Mattson
So I want to talk to you about what I have found in my career. A lot of people a coach is again, realize the people I'm coaching are high achieving overachieving entrepreneurs that are really trying to figure out either A, how to scale and start to do more, or how do they help others on their team to think, act and behave like them? So they can have more success among other stuff. Okay, so when we're talking, a lot of times, it's about getting more done in less time. How do we put six pounds in a two-pound bag? Well, I want to walk you through a handful of scenarios that occurred that I think really everyone listening in can can affiliate with. Now, first of all, I want to just visually because I can't physically show it to you, I also want you to in your mind's eye.
Glenn Mattson
Imagine if you just stand up straight, and put your hands out, left to right, almost looks like it makes a perfect tee to your arms that were at your waist right and hands palms against your hands. They just go straight up in the air. So now your palms are facing down, your fingers are pointing out and what happens is we're gonna use that as a representation of a timeline. Far to your left fingers is the past. Far on your right fingers, is the future. So, if you move your head and you look to your left fingers, you're looking in the past, you turn your head 180 degrees, and you're looking at your right hand, pointing straight out to your fingers. That's the future. Where your head is where your neck is, is the present moment. So the first person I want to share with you. I'm not going to call anyone names, I'm going to say the first person things they heard were, “Why can’t I, I'm such a loser at, Whenever I get close, it always happens to me. How come I always do? I can't get out of my own way, I know what I should be doing. But it just keeps screwing it up.”
Glenn Mattson
Now this individual wants to be better, wants to move up the market, wants to do some things but struggling with the mindset, they're struggling with what we call equal business statute. They 100% have the skill set to do it all, but as we know that success triangle skill isn't what makes a successful all the time is it? So how many of you have clients that are somewhat what I call routine milk runs, these are individuals that you know, 80% of the time to the same type of client, same type of demographic, same type of problems, same type of solution, same time a talk track that you do, like on autopilot. Then you start to talk to someone or have a conversation with someone that is way outside your petri dish way outside your comfort zone. So this individual, just for the sake of discussion, was talking to people who made under 100,000 in this scenario. Then all of a sudden, he starts now talking to people making around 500. His results are dramatically different between the 500 and the 100. Every time something doesn't go well, with the people making 500 What I hear is “Why can’t I, I am such a loser, Or why do I always do?”
Glenn Mattson
Now, part of the issue about living to your left, which is the past. When we look at the past, what starts to happen psychologically, we see we actually relive that episode. Whatever the hell we're thinking about, we actually relive it in our head and we relive it in our head. Many of us, shockingly enough, will actually have the same feelings that we did when it occurred. Now, will they be as strong? No, will they be present 100%? That's why sometimes we feel sad, or uncomfortable. Sometimes we even start to sweat. Sometimes we just want to forget about it. So as we relive it, one of the things that's really interesting as we relive it, only one of two things can start to happen. If we relive it, we can learn from it. But to learn from it, we have to let it go. So how many of us relive an episode that happened? Two days ago, a week ago? A month ago? What we're doing is reliving the past but by really evading the past and not letting it go. Which means we can't live. We can't learn from it. So, if we can't learn from it, we're not letting it go. If we can't let it go, that's called guilt.
Glenn Mattson
So, when we look at the past, when we look at anything that's happened yesterday, one minute ago, only thing I want you to ask yourself is is is there a learning outcome? Right? Is there something that you could have done better? Different, more of start doing that you're not or stop doing that you are instead of beating yourself up? Just look at it and say what's my lesson you should have as your objective literally every day you should have a lesson every day. If you don't have a lesson every day, that means you didn't push yourself hard enough, because you didn't fail. Failure gives you lessons. Got to figure out lessons Yeah, no lesson that day. You didn't push hard. Historically, to look for lesson every day. You know me I'm real big on Having a time to decompress. Your way home should always ask what the hell did I learn? If you have people working for you, every day, what do you learn today? What did you learn today? They're not learning, really. Now, that was one of my clients, constant lives in the past, constantly beats himself up, uses words that are not the right words. He's got to learn to use words like I failed at not that I'm a failure, because he also needs to learn. As he says, I'm not good at this. He's now learning how to use the words yet, I'm not good at this yet.
Glenn Mattson
That's one individual. So how many of us as we think about things that we should have done, that we didn't do? Do we have a tendency to beat ourselves up? How many of us have a tendency not to learn from the past, but relive it over and over and over again? No redeeming value. On average, that will tell you 18% of business, indoor efficiencies lost off the table because of guilt. Now, let's look to our left, I mean to our right, move your head over 180 degrees. That's the future.
Glenn Mattson
So now, let me talk to you about another one of my clients, new to me, in the first session. It was all about anxiety. I don't want to feel anxious. Anxiety is a good thing. Same thing with sadness. Sadness is a good thing. Anxiety is a good thing. Stop all this social media stuff that you shouldn't feel sad. You should feel sad. It’s okay to feel sad. It's what you do with sadness. That's the problem. Feeling anxiety is a good thing. Sadness is a natural feeling. So as anxiety, it's a natural feeling. Never, ever, ever try to have as a goal, I don't want to feel anxious, no way. Anxiety is good. That means something ain't right. What you do, when you're anxious, is critical. Only two things can happen when you became when you become anxious. Either you get immobilized, or you get motivated.
Glenn Mattson
So motivation is something that has to do with your future that creates action in you. That's motivation. When your anxiety turns to worry, the difference between worry and motivation is action. See, people who worry have a high level of immobilization. It's kind of ironic, what is very ironic, actually, is what they worry about. They don't do anything to change it, they don't do anything to pivot or change the outcome. So when the outcome occurs, guess what they say, Sir, you told you so. So worry is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Glenn Mattson
I want you to understand that anxiety about the future, what happens if, what do I have to do? All that stuff is just mindless jibber jabber. If you have something in the future that's coming up, you have to wrap your head around it intellectually. You got to understand what your plan of attack is your roadblocks, all those things I've shared with you and how to become a better decision-maker. But I want you to realize action is key. So action is key to the future. Letting go is the key to the past. Let me give it to you again. Taking action is what controls your future. Letting go is what controls your past. Now that means that we have to look at where the head is right now. In this left arm, right arm, visual representation, the head is in the present moment. Futile emotional states outline how much time energy and effort we waste by either living in our left hand or living in the right hand. It's almost three times as much impact on anxiety and worry close to 40%.
Glenn Mattson
The other one I want to share with you if you look at the time timeline that we have and throw a little quantum physics in it. So, where your head. for instance, just look up, and above you are people in process. See people in process, the natural feeling of people in process is frustration. Frustration is a good thing. Again, just like anxiety, just like sadness, never run from frustration. Frustration is good. It's a natural feeling. What you do with frustration is the problem. I had a whole hour session with two different coaching clients that are extremely frustrated with people on their team. So again, you're frustrated with people and process when frustration gets off the reservation, when you get frustration off the kilter, then it becomes anger. Let me share with you how that happens. It's called feeling a thought within the feeling You have a feeling that frustration because Glenn didn't get you the report in time. The second you find out that I'm not gonna get you that report in time, you now have a thought. The thought is he never get stuff done when he's supposed to. Then with a blink of an eye, you are reacting to that statement in your head. You're now getting more angry. Not because I didn't do the report. You're angry because Glenn never does the report. He always does this to me.
Glenn Mattson
So when we look at people, you have to ask yourself, what are you really angry about with them? What are you really angry about? Are you angry about today? Are you angry about the patterns of yesterday? More times than not we put people in the doghouse because of things they did yesterday, the patterns of what we think and what we kind of assume that they are from now on. I had one person talk about someone on his team. He's a service person. All he is a service. It's a great person. Amazing at service. But his role calls for more than that. So, whenever he doesn't do what the roll calls for, which is some prospecting referrals, etc. There's frustration. There's always frustration out of making someone into something that they're not. So when we start talking about anger, you gotta realize anger happens with people in process. You just have to take a deep breath and say, What am I really angry about with this individual? Second question I have to ask yourself is are they aware of what to do and how to do it? Third question, do they have the knowledge of how to? Don't assume that the answer is yes, because they have tenure. Do they have the knowledge? You have yes to awareness. You have yes to knowledge.
Glenn Mattson
You only have two end games. That could be the reason. One, I don’t want to. That's a commitment problem. The other is I'm afraid to and that's a bravery issue. Bravery issues you can overcome. commitment issues are very difficult to overcome. Are they aware of what to do? Do they know how to do it? What's caused them to choose not to? A lack of commitment, or lack of courage - which is a bravery issue.
Glenn Mattson
I wanted to share with you in the Building Blocks of Success, how important it is to live in the present moment how important it is not to beat the hell out of yourself or others about something that happened in the past. Unless you can let it go, you're never going to learn from it. One of the greatest things that you can do is teach your people to live in the present moment. The second thing is to teach your people to let it go. If you learn the lesson, if you learn what you needed to learn from the scenario, let it go, keeping it in your head and reliving it over and over has 00 Good outside, right? Zero good benefit, nothing. So make sure again, that piece happens. Then also have the ability that if you see something that's coming up in the future, if you want to do it put on the side of your bed to do you have a little notepad. So whenever your brain gets up and starts worrying air quotes, to start write down the action items that you need to do when you first wake up. Sometimes I've gotten up at three o'clock in the morning have done those action items. But when you transfer them from your head to paper, and with the knowledge that I'll do it when I first wake up, it takes it out of your brain.
Glenn Mattson
So just remember, anxiety is either immobilizing or takes action, sadness, learn from it, let it go. When you have frustration with people in process, don't go from feeling to thought because that means frustration will turn into anger. All of this is to learn how to be present in the moment. When you're present in the moment, you're not living in the past, you're not worried about the future. You're not frustrated with your people or your systems. It's amazing what type of answers you can come up with. You've heard everyone in the world tell you about work on that in blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? working so much on I'm not working in working so much in the business, I can't work on the business, all that fun stuff. I'm talking about working on you. too. When you get home tonight, you start talking to the kids or your spouse, and are you thinking about work? You're thinking about what's on TV? Are you actually living in the moment?
Glenn Mattson
Futile emotional states - biggest vampire that's out there. Don't give them the opportunity to suck your blood and reduce your effectiveness by 18%. By living in the past almost by 40% by living in the future, close to 30% by the frustrations they have and people in process. There's so much time, energy and effort sucked out of us. Because of this, you have no idea how much time and energy I spend with clients, helping them learn how to shut off their brain so they can sleep at night. Learning how to not think about something and all sudden we were just really viscerally angry inside because of someone on the team. Learn how to process it and let it go. gain the knowledge in what you need to let it go. Live in the moment.
Glenn Mattson
Another episode of Building Blocks of Success hopefully it's going to help you become the best version of yourself.
Glenn Mattson
This is the Building Blocks of Success with Glenn Mattson.
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